I haven't read any of the comments to this entry, so maybe this question's been asked, but I'm curious as to how there is any difference between "fandom misogyny" and "real life misogyny"? You say as that's the sort of thing that can become a habit, but I think you have it backwards. It's already the habit, we the viewers are just carrying it over into our fictional spheres. It's just "more okay" to say it about a fictional character because it's only the "anonymous" person (even if it's a logged-in user) who's going to complain, as opposed to that real-life person who will call you on it. Someone you can see and hear and touch (and who gets in your face) is going to be more of a deterrent than a "random" user posting "Hey! Not cool!" even if they were to say all of the same things that real-life person would.

Until societies stops hating women or feeling threatened by them or whatever, people are going to love the characters that put down women, because it's the cool thing to do. And then they get away with it because "he's got issues" or "layers" or any of the numerous excuses you posted. That and because the woman is "such a bitch/prude/whore/insert adjective-of-choice."

Sorry if this isn't coherent. (FYI - I'm female, and I agree with you, and Tony is one of my favorite characters, too (don't watch Doctor Who))